i look at you and see who i might have been
by screaming internally
Summary: Mal and Jane, despite everything, are not that different.


**i look at you and see who i might have been**

* * *

Jane made the first move. The proverbial olive branch came in the form of a batch of cupcake muffins at the Mal and Evie's bedroom door. A pastel blue gift box filled with twelve banana and chocolate chip muffins, topped with chocolate frosting had been at the foot of the door on a random Thursday morning after the coronation, maybe two or three weeks after the Incident At The Coronation, as everyone had taken to calling it.

 _I was horrible to guys at Family Day. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. - Jane._

The two girls had intended to share the treats with their Isle brothers, but Jay and Carlos came into breakfast carrying another muffin-filled box, with a similarly regretful note. The muffins were delicious, though. They shared them throughout the day with some of their classmates (now there's something that never would've happened in the Isle), but Jane herself never actually said a word beyond 'hi'. She looked as guilty as she had since the coronation, but didn't address her gifts.

* * *

It was _Chad Charming_ , of all people, who explained her actions.

They'd been discussing the snacks at an outdoor lunch table, wondering why Jane would bother, when a passing by Chad had said, "Because Jane tends to feel like shit when it comes to insulting people she doesn't think really deserved it. She made you food because she's hoping you'll forgive her."

Jay had spoken back to him, an eyebrow raised, "Why? No ones bothered to make food to get us to forgive them before."

"Jane's not good with actually talking about that stuff. It's her way of working around it." The prince had walked off, leaving the four to stare at his back.

* * *

By Friday afternoon, the group had decided that Mal would be the one to talk to her - she'd approached her first, to get the wand, and she was the one Jane had had the most amount of contact with. For what it was worth, Mal and Jane 'knew' each other more than the others did.

It took some asking - apparently, Jane didn't room with the rest of the students due to some anxiety problems her first year, and instead had a room closer to the kitchens. Which explained how she would've been able to deliver _freshly_ -baked muffins that early in the morning (the damn things had still been slightly steaming when Evie had first opened the door, for evil's sake!)

Eventually, Mal found the right door, tucked into a wall that was out-of-the-way of the main school hallways. She knocked on the door, not really sure what she'd say. She could hear some soft piano music - classical - playing through the door. Why was she so tense?

Jane pulled open the door, wearing a blue knit sweater the same periwinkle blue as most of the clothes Mal had seen her wear. (On the Isle, light colours like blue and pink meant you were weak *. Worthless. You dressed like someone from Auradon, and you'd be treated as much. Mal and her friends had been trying to re-teach themselves not to think like that, but it was proving to be difficult.) Her eyes were wide, as per usual. She didn't look very surprised to see Mal at her door. Shy, yes. Surprised, no. "Hi." Even her voice was shy.

Mal decided bluntness might be the best way to go. "You gave Jay, Carlos, Evie and I cupcakes, yeah?"

Jane's eyes, somehow, became wider. "Yeah."

"Why?"

That took a few seconds to get a reply, Jane's mouth gaping slightly. Then she said "Would you come in?" She opened her room door wider.

That was not a response Mal was expecting, but she stepped into the room anyway. Jane closed the door behind her, but didn't close it all the way.

Still waiting for Jane to actually answer the question, Mal flicked her eyes over the room. Huh. A lot less pastel than she was expecting. There was the cream-coloured wall all the dorms had, same with the wood panelling, and a TV that was the apparent standard, but there were plants - herbs and flowers that Mal had seen in the magic books her mother had had her read, actually - covering the shelves near the windows, books strewn everywhere, a guitar in the corner, and various knitted blankets over the bed and armchair, the sitting area of the window. It occurred to Mal that it was a room not originally intended for someone to live in.

"So. Um." Jane was speaking. Mal kept her eyes steady on the other girl's face. "I made you guys the cupcakes because - I guess because I wanted to apologise? I said some pretty awful stuff, especially to you, Mal. I figured that the food would be a peace offering."

"Yeah," Mal said. "But why? We didn't ask you to apologise." On the Isle, apologies had to be yanked out like teeth.

"I wanted to anyway." Jane was looking at her weird. Oh, right. Auradon. Apologies are given like candy. Accidentally bump into someone on a street? Both people are supposed to apologise until the end of the day. Gotcha. Well, Mal and her friends had no need for that, thank you.

"You said one mean thing, Jane. Audrey and Chad and this others had been insulting us left, right and centre from the second we got out of the car. No big deal."

"So because I said one horrible thing instead of fifty horrible things, that makes it okay?" Jane looked incredulous.

Mal shrugged. "People I like less have said worse."

"That's not a good thing!"

Mal huffed grumpily. She hadn't been expecting this much conversation. "Look. It doesn't matter, okay? We, and I, don't hold it against you. You did something stupid as hell, you learned from it, you're not gonna do it again, and the world didn't burn down in the process. And, hell, you even caused the situation that led to me finally confronting my mum with what I actually wanted out of my life, and she can't hurt anyone again, least of all me, because of it. I practically owe _you_."

Jane didn't say anything, but her face was doing this crazy tilty thing with her eyebrows, and her mouth was all scrunched up to one side. Mal had to fight not to snicker at the sight. Then Jane threw a curveball. "Did your mother hurt you, Mal?"

That shocked her. "Come again?"

"Did your mother hurt you. Physically. Emotionally. Whichever. Did Maleficent hurt you?" Unlike most of their classmates, the Mistress of All Evil's name skipped right out of Jane's mouth without a stutter of fear. Now Mal was the one gaping.

"I'm getting the impression she did. The way you talk about her, and the Isle - does anyone know? How awful it is?"

Mal remembered how to form words, finally. "How - how could you tell?"

"You _just_ said I did you a favour by helping Maleficent get to Auradon, that she couldn't hurt you again. I'm naive, not stupid."

Where was this coming from? Out of all the people Mal had met in Auradon, she'd thought she had a grasp of Jane's character. This level of perception was bizarre.

"I won't tell anyone." Jane said.

Mal's mouth shut with a _click_ , and she whipped out of the room.

* * *

It was another two days before Mal was willing to speak to Jane again. Fortunately, she'd developed a rather busy life - homework filled her Saturday, along with a movie date with Ben, some drawing in her room with Evie, hanging out with Jay and Carlos. She very carefully and subtly - so, obviously and bluntly - didn't discuss her 'chat' with Jane. The last thing she was expecting from the shorter girl, the one clad in the colours of weakness and privilege she'd been raised to distain, was the level of perception that could notice hints of Mal's childhood, her relationship with her mother, so quickly. But by Sunday night, Mal decided to take another crack at speaking to Jane. They had class together first thing Monday morning. She didn't want to have to deal with _that_ awkwardness the next morning. She knew what she was getting into now. Jane wouldn't surprise her again.

The music coming from the door again was classical, again. It sounded like the music from the animated movie she'd watched with Ben the day before - the anime one, about the moving castle. If nothing else, Mal could appreciate Jane's taste in movie soundtracks.

One of the first things they'd been taught in Goodness class was to knock on closed doors, if they thought someone was inside. Mal had gone along with it Friday, but today she decided to ignore that rule.

Jane twitched her head toward Mal when she marched in, but wasn't surprised. Now that Mal was thinking about it, Jane hadn't seemed surprised by noises the entire time Mal had known her - except that first time. When Mal had walked into the bathroom Jane was in, when Mal had changed her hair to try and get at the wand. Jane had been surprised to see _Mal_ , but not that someone had entered.

Mal considered her ears. Mal's were pointed, like her mother's. She grown up loving them, a symbol of the magic in her bones. Coming to Auradon had soured her on them somewhat, after she'd seen the sharp tip of the faddy, matronly, _good_ headmistress she and her friends had to deal with. In Auradon, pointed fae ears meant you were subservient to other people, not their ruler.

Since the coronation, Mal had been trying to re-teach herself not to think that way, but as with colours, the thoughts were still stuck in her head. One thing her mother had taught her was that their hearing was much more sensitive to noises - Maleficent had trained Mal, brutally and painfully, to strain her hearing until she could hear the hustle and bustle on the other side of the island, when she focussed.

Jane had pointed ears. Jane never seemed surprised by people's presence, only their words. Jane . . heard.

Mal didn't like that one of her favourite moves for surprising people had been spoiled, but she fought to keep the scowl off her face. She decided to throw a curveball like Jane's to make up for it.

"Do you practice magic?"

Jane blinked. She didn't look surprised or shocked, the way Mal wanted her to. Bitch.

"No." She spoke softly, like the rest of her appearance.

"Are you telepathic?" Mal didn't have any powers like that, as far as she knew.

"Empathic."

Mal blinked. "What?"

Jane blinked back. "I have empathic powers. I can sense people's emotions."

Mal had not actually been expecting any of those answers. "Sooo, you knew we were scared of our parents?"

"At the coronation, you guys . . you were terrified almost the entire time. The only time you weren't was when Maleficent was a lizard."

That was . . very accurate to what had happened, yeah. "So why don't you use magic on yourself?"

"I _just_ said I don't use magic."

"Bullshit. You could. You don't. Why not."

Jane sighed. "Do you want to sit down? If we're having this discussion I feel like we should be comfortable."

Jane was sitting cross-legged on a rug on the floor. Mal joined her, keeping a wide berth from the . . . knitting project? It was something with grey-and-black coloured yarn and a crochet needle. Jane stated, "I don't use magic because I haven't been taught how to use my abilities. Anything of them - I can feel the emotions of the people around me, and I haven't been taught how to shut it off. It's _constant_. I couldn't cast a hair spell if I tried."

Mal listened with wide eyes. Jane lived in a school with at least three hundred students, and counting Mal, maybe three magical students. And Jane could feel _all_ of them?!

"How are you sane?" Mal asked, dumbfounded. "Seriously, how have you kept your shit together? I can hear, maybe, half of what everyone says and my nerves are constantly frayed until bed. How the hell are you coping so well?"

Jane smirked. "What gives you the impression I've been coping well? Constant anxiety and misanthropic habits are how I handled, as well as a heavy dose of basically hating everyone in this school. Just be glad you weren't around when everyone started hitting puberty - never mind the kids going through it now. And Mum won't teach me any magic, so I never bothered telling her about the empathy crap. Casting the spell's is my problem, not the access to magic."

Mal was disgusted. Suddenly, her lack of 'natural fae abilities' that her mother had lamented and blamed on her human father didn't seem such a loss, if this was what someone who had them had to deal with.

"My mum made me do practice - she made me run through stances and rituals-"

"Because she actively wanted you to be able to do magic. Mine didn't. Doesn't. Everything I know about magic was either read in a book, for through implied, entirely hypothetical conversations with other Fairy Godmothers."

"Other Fairy Godmothers?"

"You know, the Fairy Godmother's Guild? Flora, Fauna, Merryweather, my mum, the Blue Fairy, all of them. They don't do any godmothering anymore - at least that they're willing to admit to me - but generally, when I play my cards right, Merryweather and I get into a discussion about the topic before my mum or Flora play buzzkill."

"My mother never really had anything nice to say about those three faeries."

Jane smirked. It wasn't a bad look on her. "I can't say I'm surprised. They did _kinda_ have something to do with how your mother, y'know, got sword impaled through her chest."

Mal smirked right back. Despite herself, she was finding parts of Jane as a person that she actually . . liked.

* * *

Okay, so this hasn't ended where I originally wanted this to, but I've been wrestling with this fic for days and can't get it where I want it to go. I've written myself into a corner. There's some themes I wanted to explore in this chapter, but I think I'll relegate them to a later chapter of 'brokenness is a form of art'. Sorry!

* * *

(*transgirluma (malicebertha on tumblr) came up with an awesome headcanon for colours and what they mean in the world of descendants, particularly the Isle: post/160531406077/okay-so-like-lightning-hime-requested-this-so

notes: so if you think about it for more than half a second, mal and jane are really similar, at least in life positions: both (partially, for mal) fae, both raised without it, both with expectations they don't really wanna live up to, both with their own internal problems exacerbated by their external ones. their upbringing effected their personality/disposition.

if jane seems a little weird, in terms of what she's saying and how open she's being about magic and her opinions, then please consider that this is the first time she's had a conversation with someone who holds the same opinions on the matter that she does, and mal knows that jane is a creature of magic.

they're two people meeting someone like them, almost for the first time.)


End file.
